sleepy, so sleepy

I’ve been exhausted for the last two weeks. After a nurse friend said I looked anemic it all started to make sense. I’m winded, I feel like I can’t stay awake yet I can’t fall asleep, and I’m kind of depressed. But really, how is this different than any than any other day?

Since having children almost 5 years ago I don’t think I’ve had more than 4 hours of sleep at one time. At least one of our boys wakes up every night. And they are not quiet about it. For a couple of months, our 3-year-old would walk down the hall and get in bed with us, which is fine with me. Sometimes we would only be awake for a few minutes and not have to get out of bed. But now, both boys will yell at the top of their lungs for us to get up and come get them.

I try to go to sleep early, but I can’t bring myself to do it. The evenings are my only time to talk to my husband and, when he’s working late, to be alone. I can send email, read, finish a thought, sit on the couch with no one jumping on my stomach – good times.

I can’t imagine how good it would feel to get a full night’s sleep. Even the few times the kids have been at the grandparents, I wake up at the time that they usually wake up and then I can’t get back to sleep. Meanwhile, they’re dreaming peacefully of ring pops and R2D2, with grandma and grandpa snoozing away in the next room.

As much as I complain about the boys being in the room with us, I do secretly love it. It’s nice to know that if there’s an earthquake we won’t have to run across the house to get to them; they’ll be right there. And we’re more likely to sleep in if we’re all huddled together. And, I just like them being there. Even if it makes me crabby, tired, and very pale.

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