Itchy and Scratchy

I love my kids and I feel like I’m a pretty tough mom, but if my kids come home with lice I’m going to move out.

I don’t know what it is about lice. I know there are other bugs living on our skin, but I can’t see them or feel them. I’ve been puked on and peed on, I’ve had my son rub his eye lashes on my eye lashes and two days later puss was oozing from my eyes. I’ve experienced what it feels like to swallow razorblades after my older son came home with a mild case of hand, foot, and mouth. I’ve been sick more in the last 6 years than the prior three decades. It’s fairly disgusting living with two little boys (and one husband).

But lice? Gross. Vile. Alive. I’d rather have gunky eyes than bugs crawling in my hair. My friend has been coating her girls’ heads in a concoction of olive and tea tree oil to keep the bugs away. I haven’t gone that route yet, because in addition to my fear of lice, I can’t stand wet (or oily) hair. I blow dry my hair, even when it’s 100 degrees outside. When I spent a summer in Alaska, my brother said he pictured me in a tent in the outback with my blow dryer and a tube of lipstick.

My boys and I all have thick, curly hair. A ridiculous amount of hair. At points in my life I’ve been nicknamed “Hair” and “Cousin It.” And my boys have such thick locks they make Alec Baldwin look like he’s going bald. Lice in that forest of hair would not be fun.

So what do I do? It’s going around their schools so I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time. If those disgusting little things camp out in my boys’ beautiful hair I may have to (gasp!) shave it off. And my hair? I think I’m going to oil it up, put a shower cap on and take some Xanax.

This post was originally published in LA Moms Blog. I was thinking about it after I saw a note at my son’s preschool last week announcing that a child in his class was home with lice. I don’t have lice, but I’ve been scratching my head since Monday.